Morning Coffee Gone Wrong...

This morning started out as usual. I woke up, set up my coffee pot, and stepped outside to listen to the Guineas talk for a few minutes. I walked back inside to the sputtering sound of the coffee pot explaining in my sleepy haze, I had added one too many filters. It was overflowing in the filter, and just a third of the water had managed to make it into the pot with a thick mix of grounds. That is the one thing I have been most upset about all week, and it wasn't even truly that dramatic. It brought life into perspective for me though, and while I'm not big on discussing my personal life, I thought maybe it might be useful tidbits for someone else.

You see, a week ago today, I threw out a live-in boyfriend. We had lived together almost a year and had dated for 2 years prior to that. I gave it a fair shot. When we met, he had a camouflage 4-wheeler, and there were discussions of fishing, and playing in the woods, and 3 years later we had never been fishing together. I honestly believed what I had found was a good old boy who enjoyed a few cold beers on the weekends. Fast forward two years, and what I actually ended up with was a full-fledged alcoholic, who's momma had catered to him for over four decades. At 48 years old, he didn't know his pant size because he'd never had to buy his own jeans.

The attempts to tear me down began once he moved in. It started with everyone around me not knowing what they were talking about, me included. Then came the anger over things I had no control of. If supper was ready when he got home, he wasn't hungry because he had a big lunch. If it wasn't done, he wanted to know why not. Nothing was ever good enough, and there was always something to be upset about.

Then my mom got diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer, and I stopped working for a time to help her and my dad get through the initial shock. That's when it really escalated. Not only was I not doing enough around the house (Dishes and laundry stayed done, he had meals every night, but I was exhausted from running constantly), I wasn't making enough money to build his garage. God bless my ex-husband for continuing to pay support through this, because he knew with mom sick, I was going to need some help.

I knew I was fed up, and I had worked too hard over the years to build this version of myself to let someone strip it away from me so easily. But I also hated to admit I had wasted three years of my life, just to start back on my own. Then it happened. He attacked the thing I hold most sacred in life. I'd went to take my grandson home to his momma and stayed to visit for about an hour. When I got home, he was irate. Literally screamed at me for spending too long with my daughter and not having his supper ready. I treasure the relationships I have built with my children over the years, and absolutely no one will ever tread on that.

As I set here sipping my super dark and ground-laced coffee, I realize this past week has been the most peaceful I've felt in a long time. I've done some redecorating, a little crafting, worked contently in my greenhouse, and visited with my family. I've found a new job that will work around mom's treatments, all my bills are paid, and I walked into church for the first time in close to 3 years last Sunday with my dad and granddaughter by my side. Life is good.

The point of this whole post is this... Don't ever believe you can't do it alone. In reality, it might require some serious readjusting, but truthfully, you're never completely alone. There will always be someone to help support you along the way, and you deserve the opportunity to live your best life. You're worth the effort it takes to wake up every morning looking forward to the day and not dreading what's to come. You have a right to hope and happiness. You have earned the contentment of a wasted batch of coffee being the most stressful part of your week. No matter the challenge that lies ahead, you are completely worth it.