A Recipe for Destruction

One of my most favorite common nuisances in our area are the masked little bandits terrorizing farmers, and campers on a nightly basis with their curiosity and opposable paws. How a small woodland creature, with such soulful eyes and beautiful color patterns can invoke the amount of rage they do from stealing chicken eggs, to devouring your weekend supply of groceries remains a mystery to me. But they do, and I swear they smile through the entire occurrence, because they are simply that mischievous.

Part of my role here at Trading Hunts is to motivate others to talk, share and put together recipes, and sometimes I can be slightly pushy. It's pretty much what landed me this gig. During one of those persistent moments a friend let me know he had a recipe for "Raccoons that won't stop eating your artisan bread", and he had my attention. I mean, who doesn't love a good quality bread to complete any well-rounded meal? Plus, I was curious if he was serious, or if he was simply trying to hush me up in a creative manner. My own inner trash panda took over, that curiosity got the best of me, and here we are. Raccoon is one meat I have never actually attempted to prepare or felt motivated to eat. If you have, please do send in those recipes, and I will gladly share them for others to try.

For this particular recipe the first thing you need to do is successfully catch and clean the varmint causing you troubles. My friend prefers a foot hold trap, but I'd say by any means necessary if it's seriously disrupting your lifestyle. Once you're left with an unalive, naked, night stalker I would suggest marinating it overnight in a saltwater bath, just because that is what we have always done with squirrel, and it seems to work. Then get out a roaster pan or Dutch oven and toss together some butter, a small amount of oil, your seasonings of choice, and if you like a sweeter gravy maybe a few apples or raisins. While my buddy recommends baking at 350, I'd be more likely to go low and slow at around 275 so you really get all that flavor baked into your butter and oil. Once that meat is cooked and falling off the bone, strain the solids out and reserve the juice. Toss the meat pile out to the dogs to give them some motivation in keeping those pesky little creatures at bay and use the liquid to create a gravy. There are basic gravy recipes all over the internet, so I'll spare you mine for now. Serve the gravy with what remains of your artisan bread and enjoy. While most of us enjoy a steaming hot batch of gravy, this man assures me this dish of sweet revenge is best served cold. I'm taking his word for it, but if you find yourself preparing a batch of this gravy, please let me know how it turns out.